The Entitlement Trap

So I pre-ordered the book "The Entitlement Trap", hoping I would have won one of the prizes for pre-ordering :), but mainly because I had read some of it while we were at Bear Lake and loved it. Sure, i might be a little bit bias, but i really do think Rick and Linda have really great ideas on parenting.
So it came today and I have read throught the first chapter and a half, and it has really got me thinking. Of course it has gotten me thinking a ton about parenting and the little things I am doing with my little kids that is already breeding them for entitlement and how I want to change them and try to do better. Over the past week or two i have been thinking about teaching my kids responsibility. And it has been conflicting in my mind: being really strict about taking care of things vs. not putting too much amphasis on the material things. I have been trying to figure out how i want to handle it. Like the most recent things I have been thinking about is taking care of things in the house, especially furniture. I want my kids to respect things and show that by taking care of them, but I also really like it when they do imaginative play and use the couch pillows for landing pads, and our couches are very well worn, to put it lightly, so i don't want to make a big deal about keeping them pristine. But on the other hand I want my kids to know that furniture is very expensive and needs to be taken care of. That is really simple example of some of the things that have been swimming in my head about teaching respect, but not wanting to put too much of an emphasis on the importants of "things" in general.
But the main thing I have been thinking about while reading just these few pages thus far in the book is the theories of teaching p.e that were so ingrained in my head from my classes when i was getting my master's degree. In a nutshell, it was taught over and over again that it is SO IMPORTANT for kids to have a good experience in physical activity, i.e. P.E classes. So as a teacher you needed to be sure kids liked P.E. Now some professors taught you to praise kids, and really give them positive affirmations. Other professors taught you to make the kids work really hard with fun activities for physical education, but be sure the kids were always moving and working and, hopefully, sweating. And while reading this book, I keep relating the ladder to parenting. Every class i taught, and team I coached, that I made work extremely hard, almost to the point of over-exhaustion, came out on top. The students and the athletes that tried hard and stretched themselves loved it and achieved so much.
I need to remember this in parenting. I wasn't always the nicest teacher, or the most friendly coach, but by golly my kids (volleyball players and students) learned a lot and loved it. (Although, they didn't love it all that much when I made them sweat before they had another class to go to right afterwards, or my teams didn't love it when they were having to fulfill their consequences of a lot of dive lines.) But by the end of the semester, or the end of the season, they loved it. And more importantly they respected me and believed in themselves.

And that is what I want for my own children.

So I may not be the "nicest" mom along the way, or the mom that always gives praises and flowers at any trivial effort. But hopefully through the years, as I implement some of my coaching philosophies into my parenting, my kids will come out on top. Meaning they will believe in themselves, they will know that hard work brings joy and setting goals and accomplishing them, even when they are hard, stretches us and makes us strong.
And they won't feel entitled to every little thing.


Yep, I hope someday I will be as good of a parent, as I was a coach.

Joy School

Today was Livia's first day of Joy School. We did a very low key pre-school last year with Nathan and Lizzy Beck when Melissa still lived here, but this was her official day of Joy School. I wanted to take pictures, she was so excited about it for the past two weeks. And then the true Livy came out. We were getting ready to go, 15 minutes early just to be sure, and her real colors came flying out. She didn't want to go, she was screaming and kicking on the floor. Nothing could console her. I had to get ben to carry her out to the car, and even then she hung on to him wiht a death grip adn wouldn't get in the car seat. Thankfully, Ben talked her into getting in the car. And I go t her there, of course 10 minutes late. She had to sit on my lap for a while, but after about 10 minutes with Jessica's awesome distraction techniques and kindness, she was happy as a clam amidst the kids. As I left i thought how much better I handled this than in the past. I feel like i really know Livy better these days. She acts very fun and outgoing, but deep down she is scared. Its not that she doesn't want to do things, but she is much more nervous. She is also shy in front of people. Unlike Brooke, who likes to put on a "show" that she is shy, Livy really is shy and does not want the attention. As I thought about this coming home (excited to get my house clean with only one child in tow), I want to really remember how important it is to really dig deep into your kids behavior. Finding out who they really are makes it so much easier to process the situation and keep control. Not that it is easy, but today I felt glad inside that I could really understand Livy, instead of getting mad and frustrated with her actions.
I know she will love Joy School, and hopefully i can get a good picture of her on thursday morning and just act like it was her first, and happy, day.

First Day of School

This year was definitely a better experience of the first day of school. It was so great to be at ourcommunity school with all of Brooke's friends. Although she was a bit nervous, she was also super excited. Maddie and Allison are both in her class. Ben came with me this year and it was so fun to walk to school as a family. I was able to hold back the tears just a little bit. They started to come and then I saw some friends and was able to hold back the flow. We all mingled at the playground for a few minutes talking and laughing and then on our way home someone decided to go to breakfast. It was so fun. So we dropped the kids off and then went to breakfast. Definitely a tradition for the years to come.
I know Brooke will love her teacher this year. (She was a teacher when i was there. Although i never had her.) She described herself to the kids as strict and silly today. Brooke said she is so nice. We are excited for this year! I can't believe she is in first grade.

Haircut

Jackson got a haircut late last night by my sister. It is really short. Brooke woke up and was so excited about his haircut. She said, "Mom, now that Jackson has a haircut we have more places to kiss him (meaning all over his forehead)." I chuckled out loud. And then she quickly added, "And besides that, he is super cute!"
Man, I love these kids. I wish i could write down every cute thing they say or do throughout the day that just melts my heart.

Loves

Even though today my body felt like a tone of bricks (it just might be the aftermath of camping for 9 days, being a single mom for most of that time, Ben leaving 12 hours after we got home and i got to clean up all of the camping stuff, the 95 degree weather with no air conditioning, and my body feeling like it is detoxing from all the YUMMY foods we ate over the entire week....to name a few), there were some really bright spots.
Like,
Livy telling me she loves me at least once every hour and giving me a hug or rubbing my back.
Me sitting still for half an hour and letting Livy "braid" my hair. She is really into braiding these days.
All three kids planning a hug attack and then running up to me while i was doing dishes and squeezing my legs all at the same time and saying "I LOVE YOU, MOMMY!" And Jackson just screaming and smiling.
Going to the pool to cool off.
Having Nana stop by just to say hello.
Holding and cuddling Jackson for about 20 minutes before the girls woke up. And watching him dance and try to jump to sesame street music.
Listening to the kids squeal with delight while jumping on the trampoline (even if there was some bickering to go along with it.)
Jackson trying to mimic the words i say (finally). It is so fun seeing his personality come out after being such a quiet, mellow kid. Even if it is a lot of screaming to accompany it.
Having my little sister come over for a little bit and talking to her about life.
Soaking in my kids...even when i am tired.

Annoying Me

Brooke and I were singing a nursery rhyme/song while playing on the carpet. And Livy screams out, "Stop singing. Its ignoring me!"

Brooke and I started laughing and, of course, it made Livy more mad.

Cupcakes and Friends