Last week I just couldn't get out of the funk of feeling depressed about my to do list. I was having a little bit (okay a lot bit) of anxiety about stupid things...like a to do list. Sometimes as a mom you just feel like you are a hamster running on the wheel. Running as fast as you can and getting no where. That is really what i felt like with my list of things i have been wanting to get done on our house. And the more I tried to check things off, like organize the closet, finish the girls room, get carpet, etc., the more things unraveled. The house became a tornado. No matter how many times i told myself that things were going to get messier before they would get truly organized, I just could not keep from getting frustrated. Even though I know that it takes so much more time to get things done with three little kids running around, I kept questioning myself, "Why can't I just finish things on my list?" or "Why does this simple thing have to take so long?"
And then it hit me. After a long week of feeling depressed about running on this wheel. I just laughed. It was when we were trying to get to the park. I dropped Brooke off at school, then came back to try to get the breakfast dished cleaned before we left. While clearing the dishes, Livy tried to get a bowl of cereal and spilled the entire box all over the freshly swept floor. After it was picked up and i talked her out of the cereal and I went back to getting dishes cleared (not even washed) she got the milk out and tried to pour a sippy cup, whtch most of it missed the cup and spilled, so i was cleaning that up. I packed a few snacks got Jackson changed and dressed. I decided I had enough time i was going to try to walk around the lake before the park...when i went to put the stroller in the car, the wheel was flat. Even though i was frustrated, I just shrugged it off and told myself I wouldn't have had time anyway. When I went back inside, Jackson had pooped, so i had to change another diaper. Then I couldn't find my phone. We finally got outside and opened the van doors and realized the car seats were still in the front seat from transporting furniture for the girls room that was still not done (the main thing that was getting me a little depressed about the to do list). I get the car seats in the mazda, since I know we still have to pick up some more furniture and didn't want to have to put the seats back in and then take them out again. I put the kids in the car- forget that i don't have any water. Go get water. Get back to the car and realize Livy doesn't have shoes on. Go find her shoes. Finally get in the car (after throwing in the towel and deciding to leave the dishes, otherwise i would never get out the door) and remember I didn't pack a diaper. Go back in the house and snag a diaper and extra wipes (thankfully, because they came in very handy at the park) and get in the car. Only to find out we are totally out of gas and I need to get gas on the way. At this point I am like 20 minutes late for when I said I was going to be there. Good thing I didn't try to walk around the lake before getting to the park. As I was driving there I started laughing out loud. It was a good wake up call to me of all the little details that happen to get anywhere. It took me 45 minutes to get out the door to go to the park. And i didn't even pack a lunch. Why should I be discouraged about not getting ALL the things on my to-do list done in a week or two, when in reality it takes an hour to get out the door for a small outing.
Sometimes we forget about what it is like to try to do thing with kids around, even when we are in the thick of it. The house finally got cleaned up, the shelves have stayed organized, and even though the girls room still isn't totally finished i am taking my to do list a little lighter and trying not to get frustrated with my family just to get some things checked off a list.
