Ups

This morning has been a good day. I got up with Jackson's firsts babbling, instead of rolling over and feeling the burdens sink me deeper in my bed. The last week I have just layed there trying to push away the feelings of depression as I think about starting another day and facing all the emotions and just wait for Ben to get up with Jackson. But I got up and moved forward with the day. Jackson and I read some books and did puzzles. I just cherished his good mood. I walked out to the kitchen to find the 5 vases of incredibly beautiful flowers filling the room with sunshine, even though it was raining outside. I made a mental note that today I was choosing to have a good day. I still cried at the sight of some bibs in the drawer. I still cried in the shower, like everyday. The water seems to help the tears flow and then wipe them away. But at least i got in the shower before noon. This journey is tough, but the burdens feel lighter each day.